Frog Mallet – Frog Mallet EP REVIEW – Riiibiit, ribbit, croaaak, riiibiitt!

“Our great frog guard, Krag’wa is sacrificed to the sludge and resurrected into the Slime Creation. Hell reigns on to the swamp as the newly amalgamated beast oozes, bludgeons, and rips through the flesh of his froggy foes…”

On April 23rd of 2021, amphibious slammers the world under were given their first full taste the swampy world of Frog Mallet. Slippery swimmers didn’t have to hold their breath for long for their next gulp, as the next entry would be well on the way: Frog Mallet. The self-titled EP is to be released Thursday, August 25th, 2022. 

A four piece band consisting of Croak, Beef Hoppington, King Amphibious, and Sledgehammer SalamanderFrog Mallet weaves a surprisingly ethereal experience full of ribbiting lore and sludgy breakdowns. Take up your Mage Mallet and enter the Frogmarsh. 

Frog fact: Did you know that the swirl design on the stomachs of Poliwag, Poliwhirl, and Poliwrath are actually based on real-life tadpole’s stomachs being transparent, showing off their swirly intestines? Go ahead. Look it up. 

“Feed the slime prevail,
Flesh and bone avail.
A huge donation
To the slime creation –
Krag’wa the Huge.”

The Huge Sacrifice starts off our journey to the swamps, and boy does it start off with a bang – a literal declaration of war due to the titular event of the lyrics. “We loved you, Krag’wa. Your death will be avenged.” Which brings us immediately into the next track as chaos reigns over the swamp – Oozing Putrid Fluids will make you want to leap-frog over the nearest person to you, and frog-kick the person next to them. 

Riiibitt. Riiiibbbit. Croak. Croak. Riiiibiitt. Riiibitt. Riiiibbbit. Croak. Croak. Riiiibiitt. 


Apologies. Had a frog stuck in my throat, as they say. 

The bloody war has raged on in the swamps, and we find ourselves in a squirmish, hog-tied situation during Blade on the Grindstone, fourth track on the EP. “War is hell. War is hell. War is hell,” fills our narrator’s head as he prepares to kill those he has tied to poles. We continue to be painted this vivid, gruesome, swampy landscape of magic and war, frogs leaping this way and that. 

The fifth and final track on the EP is a certified banger. It follows the King of the Bog, the King of Death, the God of Frog. He sits upon a throne made of bone and black stone, and he wields a mighty axe – an axe that cracks the skulls of all those who oppose him. 

Obey your…obey your…Riiibitt. Riiiibbbit. Croak. Croak. Riiiibiitt. 

Dwells in Shadows is the perfect way to wrap up this tale of Froggy madness. It’s the perfect balance of the absurdist humor and fantasy-epic writing, with over-the-top-violence and a mad Frog God.  

The frog will always fucking win. 

Frog Mallet – Frog Mallet EP 

Out August 25th, 2022. 

Track list

The Huge Sacrifice 

Oozing Putrid Fluids 

The Dark Path of Pain 

Blade on the Grindstone 

Dwells in Shadows 

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